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| 11:18am 04/08/2004 |
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mood:  disappointed
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My phone got dropped in milk/water, now all it does when the battery is in is have seizures.
So... sorry if I dont call you back, I cant get to my messages. |
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| All alone |
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| 03:59am 31/07/2004 |
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mood:  awake music: Matt Costa
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No one is online and I am lonely. I want to talk to Richard but I know he is asleep. I wish he would call me. Maybe I will take a shower. Just because Ive never taken a shower at four o'clock in the a m.
Im beginning to realize that I mess a lot of things up. Its a shame I dont realize it until much later after.
Im still reading Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha, and I still need to get through two more books and three reports. Even though I started a long time ago, it feels like I waited until the last minute.
Meghan, I cannot tell you how excited I am to know that you are going to be there next year. Oh the fun we will have!
The only thing new with me is my job. I dont feel like going into detail right now, but it is bad. Anyone who has worked in a grocery store knows what Im talking about.
Im looking at pin-up communities. Not to sound too judgmental or anything, but my ass is prettier that some of those girls' faces.
If youre reading this, I miss you. I miss us. I miss everything. |
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| 03:36pm 02/07/2004 |
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mood:  cheerful
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Full day yesterday, although nothing really happened.
Richard called me in the morning to ask me over there. I said that since I was sleepy, it would take me a while to get ready. I asked him if he was going to be asleep when I got there because, if so, I would just find something else to do. Fifteen minutes before I arrive, he assures me that he would be awake. I get there, and hes asleep. But I really didnt even care. I woke him up, told him that I would come back in a few hours so that I could take him to USA gas to talk to the manager, and then wandered on over to Rock Bottom to hang out with Dale and Andy. It was fun. I cleaned some stuff, and even got TWO THAI ICED TEAs from the thai place next door. MMMMmmmm. Dale and I have decided (well, I decided and he went along with it) that we need to have like a softball game or something. As excited as I am about it, I dont think it will ever happen. All talk.
3.30 rolls around, I wake Richard up and he says that he has to work that night. So, scratch the USA gas, and he is soon asleep again. I call Rob to see what hes doin, but hes busy, so I call Devon and go over to her house. She got this new puppy. And it is SOO cute. Oh my god... I cant even explain it. Just this teeny tiny ball of fur and love. Heck of cute. Then I get a call from pops that my car is ready.
MY CAR MY CAR MY CAR, I LOVE MY CAR! Still ugly, but I dont care.
We went over to the mall for approx fifteen minutes, then headed over to the fellas house to take him to work.
Dropped Devo at work. Dropped Richard off at work. Came home for dinner with my parents. Pleasant. Pizza, grapes and cantaloupe. Mmm.
Rob calls, and we go out for some Starbucks and explore the new homes they are building that look like castles. I was getting more nervous the darker it got. All those creepy noises, no lights, AND its illegal. Sucky.
Then we called Shauna and went over to Concord to see her. That was heck of awesome since I havent seen her in a long time. In a few hours, we are going to El Morocco. Woo!!
Im going to go take a shower. |
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| Sigh |
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| 12:14am 29/06/2004 |
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mood: awake music: When Harry Met Sally
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Back from Hawaii.
The trip was really nice. I was SO glad my cousin Leslie came with us. Shes so frickin cool. We are such nerds, we scheduled our outings around Law & Order. I tried the whole tanning thing. I dont know what happened, but I think I have lost the ability to tan. Six days on the beach and zip. Well, there is a slight hint of color change, but not much. It looks more like a day-at-the-pool tan as opposed to a week-in-hawaii tan.
I called Diane and she said she mistakenly over hired at the Brentwood Safeway, so she was going to try to talk to the manager in Antioch to see what she could do. So she called ... yada yada yada... I go down there... 'Elaine' tells me that she just talked to Diane and that they already had plenty of people working, but that she would see if she could possibly squeeze me in.
My car is still not ready. The body work is, but we have to go get all these inspections done that are so lame I cant even believe it. A two hour light check. First off I cant believe there is a specialist to do this (hit the brakes, signal right, signal left), and how on EARTH could it possibly take TWO HOURS? Sigh. So. No car until at least Thursday night.
I cant sleep. So Im doing virtual puzzles and watching late night TV.
I know Im not hungry, but I kind of want something to eat.
Any other news....?
Nope. Thats about it. Hope everyones summer is off to a good start.
:) |
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| Yep |
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| 10:42am 17/06/2004 |
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mood: good music: DFC
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So school is out. First day of official vacation. I kinda like it. However, it doesnt really seem real yet. Im a senior. Wow. Last year went by pretty fast. A year from now Ill be making plans to be moving away to college. It doesnt seem that far off. Scary and exciting at the same time.
I leave for Hawaii on Saturday morning. We have to be at the air port at like 4.30 in the morning. Blech.
My parents just bought a house in Sonora. Its kinda cute in an ugly sorta way. Total fixer upper. Not that Ill ever live in it, but I think it will be fun helping them re-do it all.
Im deciding now that this summer will be fun. When we get back from HI, my car will be all fixed (well, to the extent that it ever will be fixed), and that means trips all over to the city, and the beach, and to belly-dancing restaurants with Shauna.
I should be a belly dancer. Shake it .. shake it |
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| mishap numero tres |
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| 04:04pm 06/06/2004 |
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mood:  enraged
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IM TIRED OF PEOPLE HITTING MY FUCKING CAR |
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| 08:49pm 28/04/2004 |
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mood:  tired music: Modest Mouse
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Just got back from Oakland. Visiting P-dawg. Poor baby. I love that kid. But the Childrens hospital is actually a nice place. People are friendly there.
The Every Fifteen Minutes crap was pretty lame. Tomorrow we are supposed to be witnessing some kid's funeral. But lucky me, I get to go to another funeral instead.
I made my shirt today. Mom, Dad, and Mr Kennedy suggest I make it a business. Which isnt a terrible idea. Just a little side project on the web.
I went into Safeway to talk to Diane. She said come back in three weeks and she would hook me up. So yeah. Awesome.
I wish I had a scanner. Id like to put up pictures or some shit.
James and I were talking about our cars and he was like :
James : " Yeah, I just bought some hell of cool new [insert some high tech engine part]"
He and I just look at each other with a blank stare.
Me: " I just bought a new STICKER!!"
I love how big of a loser I am.
the end. |
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| 05:07pm 25/04/2004 |
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mood:  blank
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I keep looking at my friends page hoping people will stop being busy with their lives and write a goddam entry so that my life will once again have meaning. Hello hypocrisy.
I just got back from my Auntie Christine's birthday party. Ninety years old. Goodness. Gail and Sheri and their guys werent there. We are off having fun while Judy is dying in the hospital. Marrianne said shes expecting the call tonight. I feel bad. I feel even worse that I was never really close to her. I mean, she wasnt that great or anything, but shes family.
I dont know where my boy is. I wanted to hang out with him. He said he was going to try to hang out with Becky. Ill bet hes sleeping. Maybe Ill go over there.
Eight weeks left. Awesome
Mom and Dad said that I can go to the Slightly Stoopid/Pepper show. HELL YEAH!! AANNNNDDDDD I have no obligation to go to school the next day.
I have a Dr appointment tomorrow.
Tuesday is the talent show. Everyone should go.
Richard made a Modest Mouse CD, dont know if it was intentionally for me or not, but Im taking it. Cause I can and I did and I like it. |
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| 08:45am 11/04/2004 |
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Seriously, my spoon is just too fuckin big. |
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| Coachella... how I need you so. |
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| 09:30pm 04/03/2004 |
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mood:  drained
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The Cure
The Pixies
Radiohead
Air
Ash
I need to go. Theres no more wanting. Either I go, or I die. Simple as that. |
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| Here once again |
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| 12:05pm 27/02/2004 |
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So yeah. Been busy lately with school, mostly. I missed the past three math classes, and am having a hell of a time trying to make sense of the material and make up the work.
Ive been really rude lately. Richard gets most of it. Not because hes doing anything, just because hes the one Im around the most. I apologize after most of it, but still. I know that saying "Im sorry" and then continuing to do it over and over again doesnt mean much. But I am sorry. I just dont know how to fix it.
Stayed home Monday and Tuesday cause I was sick. Went to the doctor and he said I had some virus that was going around. No big deal. Which was good news.
I want to keep Alvin's kitties. But I dont think thats going to happen. At first it was if Richard got a job, he could keep one. Then it turned into he would have to pay for it. Then it was the two of us together would pay for it, then progressivly it seemed to turn into Im paying for everything. And I dont have a lot of money. If I want it, I have to get a job and I dotn have enough time and even less energy for that. Life is just tiring. Im not complaining, because in all actuality Im not doing nearly as many things as others my age, but it still takes a lot out of me.
Dennis has a show tonight in Oakland that I am supposed to go to. Dad said it all depended on the weather, so Im hoping it doesnt rain so I can go. He gave me a sticker yesterday :) . I wish that kid only the best.
I need to hang out with Kerry. She keeps telling me to call her, and Id LOVE to hang out with that girl cause shes so damn great, but I just dont have the time right now. Seems like I dont have time for anything.
My mouth is all red on account of the sucker I just ate.
And a message to you : I dont need to deal with you anymore. I dont need or deserve your accusations. Ive never tried to take your friends over you, but I have the right to talk to whoever I please. Im tired of your drama.
Time for psychology. |
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| 01:27pm 05/02/2004 |
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Just in case I forgot to mention, I went to Casey's house on January 17th for her surprise birthday party. Sarah had put a bunch of pictures of Casey dangling from the ceiling. It was really cute. Ill have to remember that for future sort-of-surprise parties. It was good to see the two of them. Good people.
Casey also came over to my house to visit after she got her license. Congratulations Casey. You make me feel special :) |
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| Rainin on my parade |
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| 09:54pm 03/02/2004 |
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mood: tired music: Law & Order
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Ive been more than irritable lately. Yelling at people for no reason and getting so defensive. But I cant stop. Dont know why.
Some crazy lady in a yellow truck backed into my car. Car still runs, but theres a huge dent that stretches from the tail end of the passenger's door to the end of the car. Fuckin hell. She coulda killed us! Her lipstick was crusty like Mennillo's is. Im not going to get enough money from the insurance company to fix it, so I dont know whats going to happen. Im probably just going to have to live with the disfigurement for another year and a half. Whatever. I dont care that much.
Today I left the gas cap at the station. So I have to go buy a new one tomorrow. There goes another however many dollars.
Youth Educator classes are over. Rob and I start going into the classes next week. Which means we really have to get together at some point to go over what we are going to do.
Im lonely. I wish boy was home so I could talk to him. But its cool. I always feel like Im taking him away from his friends. So its good when hes out hanging out with them.
My feet are cold.
My back hurts so bad. I dont think these pills are working.
A-Rab fuckin pride. |
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| 05:47pm 26/01/2004 |
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mood:  aggravated music: Elliott Smith - Needle in the Hay
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Everyone should boycott the 7-11 by In N Out.
So I go in there, as usual, to buy some pop tarts. The brown sugar ones. The jerky also catches my eye, so for 1.99 I pick up a slice of that too. Take it to the counter. Its a younger woman. Probably around 19. She has some piercings and auburn hair. Seems nice enough. Richard comments on how nice this particular 7-11 is. She says
"Yeah, thats cause we arent a franchise store run by fuckin A-Rabs."
Fuckin racist pig. She is definately NOT beautiful. |
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| 12:14pm 26/01/2004 |
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mood: accomplished music: Radio in Kennedy's class
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Everyone is beautiful. Sometimes its hard to see the beauty because it's often masked by rudeness and insecurity. Nonetheless... everyone is beautiful. Except maybe Hitler. Racist people are NOT beautiful.
Im tired of people's crap. Mom says I should try to emotionally detatch myself from those who cause me nothing but stress. I think shes right.
I was alone most of the day today. And I really didnt mind. Sometimes it's a nice thing not to have to worry about anyone but yourself.
Dress. Encourage. Connect. Basin. Ration. Picnic. Mold. Instrument. Vapor.
Meghan, I love how you post pictures to go along with your posts.
Went with Meghan to some Mormon etiquitte (I cant spell that word, nor do I care to look it up) dinner thing on Friday. That was nice. We were more than fashionably late and underdressed, but no one seemed to care. Dinner was nice up until the game show deal.... those boys were rather loud and obnoxious. No matter... we left anyway.
Rob and I spent an hour and a half trying to get to guitar center on Saturday. Tiring. But fun. Stupid, too. My neck itches. Went to Dustin's later that night, but apparently we got there right after the band had stopped playing due to the police coming. Or something. Bummer.
Found a dress for Junior Prom if I end up going. Not sure if that will happen. Ill have to lose 5-10 pounds to be able to wear the dress. Dont know who Ill go with anyway. I told Meghan Id be her date, but she will probably get asked by some boy. I hope its a good one this time. She deserves to have at least one good dance. I dont know why she keeps getting screwed over. Shes so freakin great.
Half day today. Nothing to do in art so Im sitting here. Wee!
What is her problem? Like, I just dont know. Fuck you too. Even though Ive gotten to the point where I dont care anymore. It doesnt offend me anymore , I just dont know why she does it.
Every problem I have with any friends I have only myself to blame. Not that I did anything especially wrong to them, but its what I get for choosing to befriend the emotionally unstable. And if youre reading this, get over yourself-- Im probably not talking about you. |
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| Well crap |
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| 07:59am 21/01/2004 |
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I did all my notes last night for Psych, but my printer was being uncooperative and wouldnt print it, so i emailed it to myself hoping i could print it out here at school but of course, damned websense blocked it. Someone should hack into my email account and post it here so I can get them! :) not that anyones going to read this in the next five minutes but what the hell. worth a shot. |
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| Television only makes me angry. Unless Im watching Law & Order. |
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| 10:13pm 19/01/2004 |
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mood: apathetic
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I need to let go. The past is the past and dwelling on it hoping people will go back to the way they used to be is doing nothing. I wish things were the same, but they arent. And never will be. I cant remember when Ive hurt this bad. For the record : I still miss you.
Sometimes I think having more than five friends is too hard. I should become a hermit. Not that Im too far off now.
Im watching the final Real World / Road Rules Challenge. Woot woot!
Saw Vinny G on Sunday. That was good. I love Sheri and Hugh. And that baby is cute and so mellow. Hes being brought into a great family. We all went to some cafe for lunch. Really good. I love Sacramento. Nice people, wonderful town, fun things to do.
Turns out I was stressing about the Kevin Seconds show for nothing all week. He wasnt even playing.
One year. <3
Im thirsty.
The end. |
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| 11:25pm 02/01/2004 |
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My face is dying from the inside out. |
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| This was close to that thing I wanted to do when I didnt know how to bold |
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| 12:02am 29/12/2003 |
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mood: full music: Dennis
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Even now Im not so sure Im going to do it right, but thats ok.
Instructions:
1. copy this whole list into your journal.
2. bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
01. i love the rain.
02. i love to drive.
03. i love chicken.
04. i love my mom.
05. i am drawn to talent.
06. i am drawn to humor.
07. i have chapped lips
08. i love to laugh.
09. i love to smile.
10. i have a lot to learn.
11. i miss the relationships I once had .
12. i love hugs.
13. i love kisses.
14. i am pro-choice.
15. i love decorating cookies.
16. i support gay rights.
17. i love to read.
18. i love to write.
19. i love christmas lights.
20. i love money.
21. i eat cake mix
22. i love thrift stores.
23. i like falling asleep next to someone.
24. i don't have a job.
25. i make up the rules as i go along.
26. i was born on a Monday.
27. i love low-budget horror movies.
28. i am out of the loop.
29. i worry too much about other people.
30. i've given up on many.
31. i don't leave a good first impression.
32. i love long showers.
33. i wish i could sing.
34. i trust too often.
35. i love movies.
36. i love the smell of coffee.
37. i am shy around new people.
38. im considered mean and rude
39. i dont like enchiladas.
40. i like the book "Harold and the Purple Crayon."
41. i want to learn to do so many things im afraid i will accomplish little to none of them before i die
42. i like Radiohead.
43. i bite my nails.
44. i always think the worst is going to happen.
45. i had a hard time not typing "I".
46. i dont like nuts.
47. i live in California.
48. i'm somewhat of a perfectionist.
49. im in love.
50. i procrastinate .
Things in common : 35 |
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| 10:12am 23/12/2003 |
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mood: satisfied
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So I found this really fun thing from some other girls journal that I dont know, and I want to do it, but I dont know how to make shit bold. So ... outta luck.
Havent updated in a while. Havent even been online in a while. I didnt realize just how long until I had to go back 40 entries on my friends list just to see something I recognized. Out of the loop, I guess.
Thursday night I went to the Wallace Arms to see Dennis and Dale play. That was nice. I'd never heard Lauren and Natalie before, and they were really good. Im jealous. I wish I could sing, sing like that.
Friday I only went to first period, then left and for the rest of the day made Christmas cookies with Meghan and Devon. That was fun. Id been trying to get the three of us together to do that for like a month and had pretty much lost hope since the two of them were so busy, so I was damned excited when it actually happened. I love the way Meghan decorates cookies : head wounds & Nazi bears. That girl just cracks me up. I need to go to her house today to give her her Christmas present. Hope she's home.
Sunday went to Wendy & Mike's since they arent going to be with us this year for Christmas. She's so funny. Mike printed out this picture of me and Les talking to Jeremy last Christmas. Its HILARIOUS. It was during Jeremy's hour long speech on how important the car washing industry is and Les and I have these awful looks on our faces like "What the fuck are you talking about?" I cant wait to see Leslie. She doesnt have to go back till January 11, so I hope she and I can get together for lunch or something.
Monday was spent with Richard (as were all the inbetweens of the aforementioned events). Hung around his house in the morning/afternoon watching the end to Sling Blade and Home Alone. Picked up Dennis to get him some weed and then Chris. Went over to Kristy's and helped dye her hair. Then to the mall where I got some sweet & sour chicken and Kristy got a movie for her dad. Kristy had to go to dinner, so we dropped her off and went back to Richards house. I fell asleep as usual, and got all pouty when I had to leave at 11. I just want to stay there. All the time.
Today I have to make some apple pies for Christmas and Christmas Eve. I was going to ask Rob to come over and help me. I asked Richard too, but I think hes more interested in sleeping so yeah. Sleep away. Dawson's Creek is on. And now I think Im out of things to write about. Even though not really.
Its amazing how much I left out from these past few days cause they pissed me off and I dont want to cause trouble cause Im over it anyway. |
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clasichnkysalsa's journal